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75 Rodney Dangerfield Quotes You Must Know

Famous As: Stand-up Comedian Who Was Known for His Self-Deprecating One-Liner Humor and Catchphrase 'I Don't Get No Respect!'
Born On: 1921
Died On: 2004
Born In: Deer Park, New York, United States
Died At Age: 82

Rodney Dangerfield was a celebrated actor, screenwriter and stand-up comedian, popular due to his roles in 1980s movies like Back to School, Easy Money and Caddyshack. He has also performed in popular talk shows such as ‘The Tonight Show with Jay leno’ and ‘The Dean Martin Show’ along with his own-The Rodney Dangerfield Show. Rodney Dangerfield also played key roles in many comedians’ rise to stardom, such as Jim Carrey and Jerry Seinfield. Many awards were named after him, to commemorate his legacy in the field of comedy. At one point of time, Rodney Dangerfield tattoos’ used to trend among the celebrities of the United States. Let us read through some of the most hilarious quotes and one-liners from this legendary comedian.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs 
I say, 'no.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield
Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

Rodney Dangerfield
My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield
Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Rodney Dangerfield
What a doctor I’ve got—he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.

What a doctor I’ve got—he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.

Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for twenty year. Then we met.

My wife and I were happy for twenty year. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.

Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.

Rodney Dangerfield