17 Famous Quotes By Phyllis Diller That Will Leave You Grinning Like A Cheshire Cat

Famous As: Comedian, Actress

Born On: 1917

Died On: 2012

Born In: Lima, Ohio, United States

Died At Age: 95

Phyllis Diller was an august American stand-up comedian and actress, recognized for her self-deprecating humor, her exaggerated crackling laugh, aberrant stage persona, and her unique clothes and hair. She was one of the first female comics to gain immense popularity with her innovative stand-up comedy. She had a great influence on Ellen DeGeneres, Joan Rivers, and Roseanne Barr. She is regarded as a gay icon and had a large gay following. She was highly recognized by the society for openly championing plastic surgery. We have curated some funny and meaningful quotes by Phyllis Diller, which have been excerpted from her gigs, movies, dialogues, one liners, catchphrases, etc.

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Musicians

Film & Theater Personalities

Actresses

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Never
Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
Like
Phyllis Diller

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Children I
Phyllis Diller

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Business
Phyllis Diller

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?
You
Phyllis Diller

Money's scarce
Times are hard
Here's your fucking
Xmas card

Money's scarce Times are hard Here's your fucking Xmas card
Phyllis Diller

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Love Money Friends Women Children
Phyllis Diller

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Home Will Children
Phyllis Diller

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Life
Phyllis Diller

I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.

I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller

A smile is a curve that sets things right.

A smile is a curve that sets things right.
Phyllis Diller

Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.
You Think I
Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance.
You
Phyllis Diller

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
Children
Phyllis Diller