40 Mind-Blowing Quotes By Finley Peter Dunne That Are Rib-Tickling
Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
Trust everybody, but always cut the cards.
Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
The Puritans gave thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and we give thanks for being preserved from the Puritans.
The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
![It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.](https://www.wisdomly.net/images/quotes/finley-peter-dunne-65467.jpg)
It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns.
There are no friends at cards or world politics.
I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.
Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.
Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.
When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.
Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.
A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.
The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.
The last man that makes a joke owns it.
A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.
Even an Englishman was niver improved by bein' blown up.
Th' dead ar-re always pop'lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an' refuse to help his fam'ly, all in wan night.
Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.
